Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
