I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
