Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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