I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
