it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
