I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
