return my video game
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
