i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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