I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
