what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
