when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
