My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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