By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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