She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
