I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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