i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
