Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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