i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
