If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
