we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
