The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
