I cockslap morals
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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