P.S. I can't hear my feet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Alive.
So much puke
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
