Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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