I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
