I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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