If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
