No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
