It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
