we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Enjoy the penises
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
