After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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