well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
