her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
