Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
