my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
