Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
