things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
