Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
