i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
