So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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