So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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