You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
