I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
