Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
