Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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