so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
