I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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