why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
