That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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