I can text with my tongue
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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