Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
