haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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